Blog Version of Me

A constant chronicler, my harddrive holds seven years of photographs. I had a hard time finding photos of me by me in 2004 and 2005. Ones that exist are mostly of my body and clothing, but rarely of my face. In my adolescence, I strongly identified as a photographer. I had a personal website and a livejournal for my friends, where I posted most of my photos from 2001 to 2005.

In 2006, my photography of myself changed with the acquisition of a Facebook account. These angle specific face shots dominated 2006 to 2009 at the height of my Facebook usage.

In 2010, when started this blog and deleted my Facebook account permanently, I became more interested in photos that showed my face and body including my outfits and makeup.

Onto the Questions!

Since you started blogging has your image of yourself changed?
Blogging in all ways, shapes and forms has affected the way I see myself. I started my first website in 2000. I’ve had LiveJournal for ten years. I started this blog about seven months ago. I can’t imagine how I would see myself without the existence of the internet.

Are you self-conscious about any aspect of yourself? If so, do you go out of your way to avoid it or do you post it/talk about it anyway?
Oh definitely! If we’re talking appearance only, there’s many traits I would alter about myself. Don’t most people feel that way?

On a deeper level, I do not try to hide parts of my personality on this blog. However, there are definitely times when I hold back certain political and cultural beliefs in favor of keeping friends. I do have a private blog where I express strong thoughts and opinions freely but would find it difficult to do publicly in a forum without much context to a new reader.

Based on how you are feeling now, what do you think the future holds in the evolution of your body image?
I encourage people to accept themselves and not care about size of what makeup they wear. Yet, I worry about those things daily. Can I lose the last 5 pounds? Do I really need new eyeshadow to feel pretty? Who cares! is how I feel sometimes. I hope my body image will eventually evolve to catch up with my self confidence. Sometimes my words have to work hard to convince my thoughts.

Do you photograph yourself for your blog? If so, how do you feel about the experience when you’re having your picture taken?
I take photos of me for my blog and also use photos of myself that either I or someone else has taken in the past. There are definitely times when I feel frustrated that I don’t look a certain way or photograph how I see myself in the mirror or in my head. Then there’s times when I find myself pretty in a way I’ve never noticed before, which overpowers feelings of negativity.

What would you want every person who struggles with body image to take to heart?
The best advice I can give is to do something you’re passionate about that doesn’t encourage you to focus negative energy on yourself. Fill your life with meaningful activities that aren’t all about you. Find friends who support you and don’t bring you down. Make your life busy and filled with love so when you are feeling down, you have support.

Thanks For Reading! Please come back again and have a great weekend. Leave a comment on what your think about this post!

  • Arash Mazinani

    I’m refollowing you again on twitter didn’t realise you had deleted your account. Great read what was it that made you delete your facebook page? I rarely use it nowadays and much prefer using twitter.


    • Courtney

      With facebook, I’m not the type of person who can just have it. I have to know what everyone I’ve ever known is doing. And, frankly, I just don’t care! LOL. I’m much happier without it.

  • Kristin

    What a fabulously REAL post!

    • Courtney

      Thanks so much :)

  • Jessica

    Great answers Courtney, as always whenever I read your blog it is nothing but honest and upfront, I can practically hear your voice. Its nice to read a blog and get a real feeling for that person, unlike all the blogs that are just endless outfit posts (not that I dont enjoy the odd one, just saying) :)

    • Courtney

      That is such a nice compliment! I’m glad you enjoy the content and please let me know what you’d like to read about!

  • Chelsea Rae

    I think blogging, especially about fashion and beauty, is one of those things that make you completely confront your own body image issues. Even if you aren’t an style blogger, I’m sure most of us have thought about taking an outfit photo now and then. As well, we’re constantly talking about body issues or skin issues, in beauty’s case, thus we are constantly evaluating and even comparing ourselves to others and to societal standards. However, unlike many fashion women’s magazines, where we negatively compare ourselves to others, I do believe blogging, generally, has a positive effect on body image because the comments we receive when showing are true selves are often quite flattering and kind.

    • Courtney

      That’s a great way to look at it! I’ve been thinking lately about the impact of fashion magazines vs. impact of fashion blogs by real people. I think the latter is a lot less negative.

  • Fashnlvr

    Interesting answers. It is interesting to think that half of your life has been chronicled with the internet. It is very important to maintain control of one’s web image.
    Good to see you are gaining confidence with your image.

    • Courtney

      I had an interesting conversation with a friend who pointed out that it’s fortunate that most of us still have such control over what’s online about us.

  • Claire

    Good gracious.. whatever were you saying? Politically. Was it very awful? :3

    • Courtney

      LOL! Okay maybe I made it sound worse that it is. Also I am a dramatic person, which is why I deleted it. I think I just need to separate the two so I have a blogger one and a Courtney one. I have very strong political (read: Liberal) views that many do not agree with.

      • Claire

        Oh, no assassination plans or strident bigotry?

        Good to know. Hah.

        I do think it’s interesting, how blogger relationships are handled. In some ways they’re halfway between friendship and colleague-ship, almost.

        • Courtney

          In the age of the PATRIOT Act, NO WAY!

          Yeah. I mean also I think it’s important to be aware of how potential employers can view 140 characters, too. Your friends may get something but a random person, not so much. Having control of my online persona is important to me, which is why I separated the Twitters and locked the private one.

          • Claire

            Hmmm.. that’s true. Maybe I should say “fuck” less on mine!

            • Courtney

              Whatever works for you, girl!

  • Veshoevius

    “I can’t imagine how I would see myself without the existence of the internet.”
    My God now there is a generation gap staring at me right there – I grew up without the internet and without the public access it gives people to my life so what you’ve stated here is really an alien concept for me! Very interesting!
    You deleted your twitter account??

    • Courtney

      I deleted it! But now I have to manage better. I’m going to have a personal and public twitter. It was easier to start over than to go through 1,000 tweets. Add me–MsFemminista

      It’s weird to think of it, but I’ve had the internet since I was about 12-years-old, so about 12 years. I honestly can’t imagine how I would see myself without it! Not to say that’s a good or bad thing. A fact more so.

  • MJ

    Great answers! We all have those days when our nagging insecurities seem to creep up out of nowhere! The trick is to be forgiving of yourself if you do succumb to that and keep it moving!

    • Courtney

      I couldn’t agree more!