Last week I stood in line at Target with the new Adele album in my hands. I can’t remember the last time I bought an actual CD, but after hearing “Hello”, I knew I had to have this album in the car. Yep, I have a 12 year old car that’s a bit too new for a cassette player but too old for BlueTooth. I’ve spent some time thinking about why Adele resonates with me (and millions of people).
So why do I love Adele? Because she takes away the shame of heartbreak.
Once I got out of college, I found it was increasingly hard to talk about romantic relationships with my friends. In college, my friends and I exchanged stories of hookups, bad dates and breakups. We wore our stories like badges. Not necessarily ones of honor, but things that happened to us nonetheless.
Then something weird happened once we all graduated college.
We just stopped talk about relationships. Well, not entirely, just the juicy bits and what really broke our hearts. It was an odd thing to go from sharing everything to sharing almost nothing, or at the very least, sharing only the very worst or the very best. Somewhere along the line, we all decided to be less vulnerable, and I think it was to our detriment.
As an adult, it’s so confusing to navigate relationships.
Sure, there’s a lot to be said for guarding a relationship. I don’t think anyone can ever truly understand a relationship except the people who are in it. Having gone through a marriage and divorce myself, I learned this lesson the hard way. No one wants to be judged. And at the same time, no one’s judgements really matter.
But in silence, comes shame.
Back to Adele. My current obsession is with the song “Send My Love (To Your New Lover).” To improve my car singing skills, I looked up the lyrics and found this tweet Adele had made about 25 as a whole:
“I made the decision to go into becoming who I’m going to be forever without a removal van of all my junk. I miss everything about my past, the good and the bad, but only because it won’t come back.”
Oh my god, can we all just stop and actually think about the wonderfulness of her outlook on life?
So many times I see people (and myself) burying the past, especially when it comes to romance. After all, how many time have you heard someone thoughtfully calculate how much time it takes to get over someone as if it was a science? What a freeing thing to accept that there are people and times we will always miss.
Maybe there is nothing to move on from because it’s OK to miss someone.